Past Due

Polka?

So, I am alone at school again.  King Robert stepped out in the middle of second period as he realized he had forgotten to take his son to a Doctor's appt.  I then proceded to be a terribly indulgent teacher and danced with the Freshmen Girl's choir.  I can't wait to have my own classroom so I don't have to feel guilty about having fun!  However, I hope King Robert returns for 4th period (in about 10 minutes) as his serious group does not have such a great appreciation for fun. 

Plus, I am exhausted.  I don't know why, but I haven't been sleeping very well this week.  It's quite unusual for me because sleep is usually one of my most successful activities in a given day.  I think I am a little stressed from all the holiday/end of the semester hoop-la, but actually less stressed than usual.  My hypothesis: PMS.  Hey ladies, does anyone else have trouble sleeping the few days before?  I would appreciate some feedback.

Okay, after that intensely personal moment, I feel the need to confess my recent slacker-ness.  I am supposed to write a paper and read a whole bunch of stuff for my last choral methods class with Dr. Childs tomorrow and I haven't done any of it and I don't think I am going to have any time to get it done before then.  I know I can get away without doing the reading, but I should really do this paper.  But somehow making Christmas presents just seems more fun when I can't sleep.

This entry was wholly uninteresting.  I apologize to anyone who actually wasted their precious time reading.  Just think, you will never get that 30 seconds back.  King Robert has returned so I will try to look busy doing other things.

Bored at school.

I'm at school.  It's lunch.  I am hungry and I didn't bring any food or money because I thought I was going to ditch out early today to do some stuff at Blair.  BUT, RK (my co-op) really needs me to stay because he does not feel the need to do his job and feels entitled to use me as a free substitute.

So, that's what is up folks.  I am really starting to hate this man with whom I spend my days.  He finally broke me on Monday... he made me cry.  I think he has been waiting for the day to come.  He also made two of his students cry that day.  He has the impression that crying is just what girls do.  It's a girl thing.  What he doesn't realize is that part of that response is due to him, and not the inner-femaleness of those around him.  He uses incredibly emotionally-charged language whenever he criticizes me, usually boiling things down to my unwillingness to change.  Clearly, I don't love choral music enough to do things his way because if I really loved it I would be exactly like him.  I will be honest, I don't love choral music that much.  I love music and I love kids - but the kids part never enters into the picture for him.  He has come to some weird conclusion about me - that I am lazy or something like that - I don't want it bad enough.  I think I am being patient with myself.  I don't expect to good at everything immediately.  I am trying to approach this whole learning experience thing rationally and without all the emotionally charged language.  He wants me to get angry and frustrated and upset and then come to him for help to fix it.  Not gonna happen.

Well, after I cried in front of him I had to do something to make it better.  I went to this yarn store - the Haus of Yarn - and got some beautiful green yarn made from Alpaca wool.  It is delicious.  I made a giant scarf out of it that Erin Hepper named my "F-you" scarf.  As soon as I weave in the loose ends I am going to wear it to school and pet it everytime I want to say "F-you!"  I'm not sure I am even allowed to think that in the Church of Christ school. 

Otherwise, I guess things are good.  I am a little lonely... maybe.  I am just feeling vulnerable in general.

Laura... this one's for you!

So times have been kind of crazy since I last updated.  Time at school has marched on and not really changed for the better or the worse.  I am becoming increasingly annoyed at having to be my co-op teacher's bitch.  When I do get to teach, we doesn't usually give me time to prepare, so I don't teach very organized cohesive rehearsals.  I am also more aware of how unrealistic this setting is for me as far as student-teaching goes.  Being a private, "college-prep" school, they really just don't accept kids with any type of learning disability.  If they find out that the kids are slow or just aren't keeping up, they recommend that they find another school.  Something about that makes me feel icky, especially in music class.  Everyone should be able to succeed in my class on some level.  I also think a lot about how I want to be a teacher, rather than a conductor.  I want to do more than just rehearse choirs and I think school music classes are obligated to provide more than that.  Okay, enough with the music ed. philosophy.  I will contain myself.

It was homecoming this weekend AND my mom was in town.  It was good to spend a lot of time with my mom, even if it meant putting up with a good deal of pointless nagging.  We didn't do many things for homecoming which I didn't regret at the time, but now I wish I would have been around to see friends from out of town.  Oh well... next time.  I ended up skipping church on Sunday morning because of my mom's flight out of town and then got in trouble with my church choir director, Gayle.  Sometimes Gayle drives me crazy!  It's like she takes things so personally or expects that everyone should be 100% committed to church choir when she schedules in all this extra stuff.  Anyways, she is giving me grief because as she was leaving church, she saw me crossing the street to go eat lunch with Clint.  Because she thinks I am a totally immoral person, she asked me if we were sleeping together and that's why I didn't come to church.  She was only half-kidding.

So, I got to see Clint this weekend which is always good.  Some youth from church were at the coffee shop where we were getting food and joined us.  I think Clint was a little surprised to see the teacher/youth leader side of me.  I don't know how I have managed to keep that a big secret from most of my college friends, but everyone seems pretty surprised by it.  I have to say, I feel much better about myself and life when I am with kids because of the energy they bring out of me.  After the kids left us, Clint and I got to talk like adults for a little while.  He tried to ask me about my romantic life, which was funny.  I think he wanted me to inquire about his, but I didn't.  It's not that I don't care, but it's just weird still.  I am not sure I am ready to sit at Fido's and talk about his possible relationship with one of my best friends.

Okay, one last thing. So, I feel like I have been waiting for about 8 years to be a grown-up.  In some ways, I feel like the point of adulthood has definitely arrived, and it is a good thing.  I am living on my own which is great for so many reasons.  I get up early everyday to go to school. I am on a career-track and am respected by my peers.  I am financially compensated for the professional work I do.  This summer celebrated weddings with my friends.  These are all wonderful things about being grown-up.  But what about the not-so-wonderful things?  Last week, I went to the visitation for a funeral for the first time in my life (at least that I remember).  It was one of those moments that I wanted to deny my new grown-up status, but knew that I could not.  Well, it was good that my mom came the next day so I didn't feel like such a grown-up.

I'm not sure that last part made sense.  It sounded better in my head.  To sum up:  things are good, even if routine.  I have no love-life, aside from the hot sex life in my church choir director's head.  I will be back in C-bus for a whole week at Thanksgiving.  I will update in the event something interesting happens.